How I Spent My Summer (2017)

Raising Cairn
Celeste Roberge, 2000
Portland Museum of Art

As summers go, this past was not as historic, nor as creatively productive. We won no basketball championships, directed no productions of Shakespeare, attended no theater festivals, nor were we present for the nomination of a tyrant.

I wrote no new plays.

But summers are important, they always have been and for different reasons. I still work, to be sure, but this is when vacations are had, and my wife and I do strive to make the most of those brief moments as we can. Once it was because our children needed attention and occupation, and now it is becoming increasingly apparent our summers with them as children are running out.

And she wonders why I am depressed this week.

Humming
Jaume Plensa, 2011
deCordova Scultpure Garden

The first major journey was to attend, and in my case, to officiate, a wedding for my wife’s cousin and his beautiful bride. Perhaps you didn’t know I am an ordained minister, but seriously, who isn’t these days? I needed to register with the state to conduct ceremonies in Ohio, in Illinois they don’t ask. Are you in good standing with your church? Well, you better be, that’s the only thing they have to say about it.

We turned this delightful event, held in Aurora, into an extended stay in the Chicagoland. Funny, I set one of my recent works in suburban Chicago, though I’d never really spent any time there. Just research. Passing through and investigating those sites I thought appropriate, I was not disappointed. I tried to imagine my characters there. They must have been happy once.

The weather in Chicago was perfect, we did the architecture tour, saw the Neo-Futurists, spent a whole day at the Museum of Science and Industry. I had my own memories of that place from when I was a kid, I was probably there more for myself them for them.

A Sunday Afternoon On
the Island of La Grande Jette
Georges Seurat, 1886
Chicago Institute of Art

In July, I bought a new car.

Our schedule fell out so that we needed to be in town by August 1 for my daughter to begin soccer practice, so we barely got Boy Camp in before it was time to leave for the east coast, this year spending several days in Salem, MA before continuing on to Friendship.

Between the Art Institute back in Chicago and the deCordova and Peabody Essex in Massachusetts, we spent much leisurely time at art museums, both indoor and out. Our time in Maine, however, was brief. Before long we were heading back, a stop in Concord to meet friends and check out the grave sites of famous authors before making our way back home.

Throughout the summer there were macaroni and cheese topped burgers at the Speedtrap Diner, deep dish at Navy Pier, drop-dead ramen at Kokeshi, and our favorite waiter at Congress Bar & Grill. Also, I developed a strange obsession with Oh Hello, On Broadway on Netflix, which I watched at least three times.

Real Estate Goldmine
Joshua Starcher, 2017
Rooms To Let

After Maine, we still had all of August, which ended up being something of a blur, driving back and forth across the state. The truth is, a cloud has been hanging over us since the very beginning of the season, on what may have been the first unofficial day of this summer. It was a Saturday in late May, the kids were on a year-end, school-related Cedar Point trip, the wife and I had the day to ourselves and witnessed Rooms to Let in Slavic Village, the first of our many art-related summer explorations. It was while waiting for the kids to return on the bus that we received the call.

It’s personal. It’s family-related. I don’t want to go into it right now. It is enough for now to say I have been looking at things more closely at things this summer, and finding them horribly beautiful.

Boy Camp 2014

Boy Camp, a mescla of high and low. The girls are camping in the Pennsylvania wilderness, getting their feminist on, while we sleep late and watch a lot of television. We look like we smell of beer, but there is no beer.

Last night, culture. It was opening night for the Cleveland Shakespeare Festival production of Romeo & Juliet, set this night in the Coventry Peace Park. Highlight of the evening were the rising of a half-dozen police vehicles which sped east along Euclid Heights Blvd. just as the deadly fight began Tybalt, Mercutio and Romeo.

“Mercutio, one of the ballsiest males in Shakespeare, is played for some elusive purpose, by a woman.”
- Jim Damico, The Free Times (1994)

 As intense as that was, it was hard to keep a straight face when, just as the Prince decreed, “Bear hence this body,” an ambulance flew down the street behind him.

(Side note: Calimoxo is an excellent drink to put into a travel coffee mug.)

After we went home and watched Red vs. Blue and MST3K: Gamera.

"Kenny!!!"

Saturday morning I made chicken & waffles, and then to School of Rock, where the boy kept time rather successfully, in spite of an injury to his right hand at a ball game last Tuesday. I wrote.

We took a visit to the garden center, and then he introduced me to Critical Hit Games across the street. Some day I am just going to drop him off there and let the geeks teach him how to play Dungeons & Dragons while the wife and I have drinks at Melt.

Just kidding. We don't like to go to Melt.

Spreading hardwood mulch was thwarted by a delightful summer downpour, but that’s cool, that’s why we have Minecraft videos.

"This is crap."

 Saturday evening things got a little crazy, as we made our annual pilgrimage to go bowlin’ in Solon. The boy was joined by two of his high octane companions, fortunately I had Dr. D. as company and got to engage in the first big-people conversation in 24 hours.

The good doctor inquired about my writing, after I had claimed to have drafted one page that morning. He asked, “When that happens, do you think, Euerka! I have written a page! Or is it more like, Ugh. Only one page.” What a great question!

In that morning’s case the latter, but this morning, as the boy played video games with a friend who had slept over, I wrote another page and thought, Eureka!

Photo: Brent Durken

Our final journey before the women returned was to attend Emily & Benjamin's wedding in St. Theodosius in Tremont. Such an iconic building, but I had never been inside. It's beautiful! The boy was very patient, though I regretted my ignorance that Orthodox services are spent largely standing. If I had known this, I would have chosen an aisle seat so the boy could see the proceedings, but he was very mature and patient.

As most in attendance were not Orthodox, the priest was explaining the service as we went. The boy, who remained attentive, whispered to me, "It's like he's giving us a tour of his process."  That's my son.

On Weddings

This weekend I had the pleasure of officiating the wedding ceremony for my brother-in-law and his bride, in Athens, Ohio.

Before we go any further, I just want to add this: No, thank you for asking, I won't conduct yours.

On the day-of, I received the following FB message:

HI Dave- I am officiating a wedding in November... do you have any recommendations or have you written about your officiant experiences anywhere? I'm really stoked about the one I'm doing, but as my first, feeling a little green. Would love to hear your take on it. 

No, I haven't written about it! And I jotted down a few hastily written suggestions off the top of my head, which I will expand upon here. Maybe someone will get some use out of them.

First, however, some background. Officiating a wedding is no big deal, legally speaking. Any couple (any straight couple, at least today) can get married at city hall, then have a party that has all the trappings of a wedding, which anyone can conduct.

However, if you want someone to marry you, to sign the document and make it legal, they must be an ordained minister, and register with (in this case) the Secretary of State of Ohio. In 2005 Josh and Kelly asked me to wed them, and I found out how it was done.

Founded in 1959, the Universal Life Church believes every individual should be a church unto his/herself. To that end, they will ordain anyone a minister. In the old days, it was mail order - today you can be ordained online. Right now. In moments. Go ahead, do it! It's free, even.

You must cleave to their solitary tenant, Do only that which is right. I have followed this commandment, since 2005, every moment of every day, without fail.

Then I paid for proof of ordination (five bucks) to send to Columbus (another ten bucks) and I have a certificate stating I may perform legal marriage in the state of Ohio.

I have conducted services for a few people. Very close friends, one of my brothers and his wife. I take it seriously. I mean, I am not a noodge, I am also not religious and do not pretend to be. But I had a false-start marriage in the early 90s ... without going into any detail, the service was much too clever. A close inspection (unfortunately, it was videotaped ... thought fortunately mine was accidentally damaged beyond repair) gave several close to me the opportunity to judge the kind of humor we had injected into the ceremony and found it very telling.

These are some tips I gave my friend, which were very helpful to me last Saturday, as my wife and I were even then writing and re-writing the ceremony that afternoon.

1. I interview the couple, together, asking them very basic, personal questions. Why are you getting married? Why are you marrying this person? Why do you love this person? What is the goal? I get them to tell some stories, how did you meet, begin dating, propose, etc. Whatever they say is always golden. I take notes.

2. I ask them what they want to have happen. How many traditional aspects of the wedding ceremony do they want to include? Technically, they do not need to include any of them. None. No one needs to say "I do." They do need to get the marriage certificate, and when I sign it, they are legally married. Everything else is a public declaration of fealty.

3. Vows should definitely be included. I make them write their own vows, but often edit them. I feel free to make them start all over if they feel to generic, or too clever. I once told a groom his vows could be said be virtually anyone, and to search a little deeper for what was important, and what he was promising. His second pass was perfect.

Honesty and sincerity are key. I once dropped the final vow because it was an attempt to gently threaten the other if they weren't faithful. And the fact is, I tried to put in the same kind of vow in my first wedding and our officiant insisted on taking it out.

4. This is not about me. Making references to my connection to them gives the attendants some indication as to why I have been asked to do this, but really -- no stories about me, about my life, about my family or marriage. It's all about their lives and feelings.

5. It is about both of them, not just one of them. Sometimes this is challenging, not with friends like Kelly and Josh, for example, who I know equally, but I needed to know more about my brother's intended, and my brother-in-law's this weekend. I don't want to run the risk of talking too long about just one of them. Then again, I don't want to run the risk of doing much talking at. I'm not a minister, I am a happy interlocutor. I am there to speak for them because they are nervous and emotional and scared.

6. Explain, in one sentence, why we're doing everything we're doing. This is why we're here. This is why we make vows. This is why we exchange rings. It gives a brief, sometimes surprise-filled event structure, and makes everyone -- the couple, but also the crowd -- feel like it all makes sense.

7. Finally, what else do they want? Sometimes, like this weekend, that was about it. My wife included a Libation Ritual, to absent friends and family, which went over very well. We concluded with the kiss, and it was time for a party.

But people like music, or poems, or verses ... but I feel it is best, for a simple ceremony, the know that these are things you choose to include, because they express something and that people are happy to hear. Feeling that they must be included can add a lot of pressure.

Sure, the entire event can be stressful, I feel responsible for someone else's wedding. But I also know that everyone is very excited to be there, about whatever it is I have to say -- most of which was written by or about the wedding couple -- and there really is no way to disappoint.

However, it is because I take this seriously, that I try to politely decline when a kind stranger approaches me following a ceremony (usually before I can reach the bar) to ask to conduct their wedding. They want me to marry them because I appear competent at it, and I am flattered by that. But I only want to participate in a wedding in this manner when, as they say, I have skin in the game.