Process XXII

I love being back in school. Last week in craft and theory we were view a German New Cinema film. My parents took me to foreign films. As a child. Some of them might be considered inappropriate for a nine year old boy. But these were amazing films. 

My brothers love movies and I was exposed to those. And I met friends in college who also loved non-Hollywood films, sophomore year we lived in the same building and it was like every night was a mini-film festival, between cable and their eclectic VHS collections.  

I tried taking a graduate level course when I was twenty-five, but I failed. I dropped out of the course. I have no idea what was going on in my mind that I thought I should do that. I should ask my ex-wife. I must have had some idea. 

I have always had big plans and bigger doubts. I hate talking a big game and then realizing I had no business being in it. I was engaged in creating a new theater company, wasn’t that enough?

And yet, of course, I should have done this earlier in my life, when it would have been a set towards a larger today, but when exactly would I have done that? Every time I thought of going to “grad school” I started a new theater company instead. And that seemed to be the appropriate thing to do at the time.

So, this is it. What is, is. This is the time, this was always going to be the time. There is no other time than this.